APATHY
/ˈæpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ap-uh-thee]–noun, plural -thies.

1.	absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

2.	lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

I'm sure I could have worked up a big post, but I'm apathetic.  I graduated, I worked at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for two months, and now I work full-time at Chapel Hill Pediatrics and I LOVE it.  I'm almost at the two month mark, at which point I'll get health insurance and a 401(k).

I have stuff I do with my friends: poker, trivia, various games, kickball (sometimes).

I'm paying my college loans off.

Life is very good.

ANS 105: C
ANT 261: B-
HI 251: B
HI 454: A-
HI 480: B+
HI 491J: B-

I think I did ok for my hardest semester evar.

Oy!  A post!  After a 13 week break!

I am currently sitting at the half-way mark of my finals.  I today I handed in three essays for my final exam in HI 480: The Scientific Revolution, and then wrote two more short essays for my HI 454: US Foreign Policy exam.  I stayed in the library for 13 hours last night writing my (16 page) final FINAL FINAL paper of my undergraduateness for HI 491J: Jews and Christians (and Magic) in Medieval Europe.  I finalized that paper tonight with an abstract and a proof read and dropped it in my professors box.  It's worth 70% of the grade, so she better damn like it.  I am DONE with ALL my 400-level history classes FOREVER; I've had eight within the past year, when normally it would take two years to complete those requirements.  I have three finals left: ANT 261: Technology in Science and Society and HI 251: American History I on Thursday, and ANS 105: Intro to Companion Animals on Monday.  Then I'll be done and ready to graduate.  My biggest hurdle was finishing my paper on magic for Dr. Mell (who is my least favorite history professor evar).  Even with it done, I feel too tired to be excited yet.  I still have a lot of reading to do for the tests on Thursday, and I have a feeling that Dr. Ange will pass me no matter what in her pets class.  Getting to know the professor is a good thing.

Once I'm finished with school, I will be free to freak out over The Real World.  My new goal has become to work in DH Hill Library at NCSU, but with the hiring freeze and budget cuts that seems unlikely at this point.  I have only tenative leads on other jobs, I have almost no money, and I have no idea where I'll be living at the end of May.  I really want to stay in Raleigh and not have to move home to Durham, even though I know my parents will let me do that for a little while to help ease the stress on my new phase in life.  I have applied to a temporary position in DH Hill, where I would be working for a third party on a digital scanning project (3,000 pages a day).  That seems to be my best bet at this point.  I've been browsing the UNC and Duke jobs page and have submitted my resume there.

I'll try to post here more often, but there's no telling how long the next break between posts will be.

Another QC just for me, from way back at the beginning.

School starts tomorrow.  I'm mostly excited.

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

This is my favorite poem, by W.B. Yeats.  I bought an anthology of his poetry a while back, never got very far into reading it.  I think it will be a wonderful thing to get back into, once the semester is finished and it's quiet for a little while.


EDIT: OMG questionablecontent's entry is just for me:

And the LORD formed the computer nerd of the dust off His keyboard, being mainly the powdered remains of heavenly Chee-tos, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, which wasn’t easy, given the computer nerd’s deviated septum; and the computer nerd became a living soul, if you can really call it living.

And the LORD set up a vast network eastward in Eden; and before it He put the computer nerd whom he had formed, saying “here, I need an admin, get thee to it.”

And the computer nerd set about exploring the many files and folders on the network, discovering various digital wonders and delights, but there was one machine the LORD forbade him to access, speaking unto him: “All of this is created for thee to use and master, My pasty-skinned, soft-bellied creation. Except stay away from the Apple, would you? I keep My personal files on it, and thou shalt poketh around in them not.

“Not that I’m going to password-protect it or anything, because I trust you.”



 

That Sam-Are-I!
That Sam-Are-I!
I do not like that Sam-Are-I!

My lord commands, so I must die.

I do not like that, Sam-Are-I!
This feudal system seems unwise!

I would die here, I would die there.

You should not be dying here or there.
Should not be dying anywhere.
This system’s bad, you are not free,
You should forswear your fe-al-ty!

I’d die in battle in a house.
I’d die in battle with a mouse.

You should not be in stranger’s houses
There should not be those excess mouses
You should not be dying here or there
Those daimyo aren’t very fair.
You do not have to go and die!
You should embrace demo-cra-sai!
This system’s lousy, you should try
Some different leaders, Sam-Are-I.



I love Woot.

 

Three years ago, I took HI 208 History of the Middle Ages with one Dr. Pumphrey. She is one of those part-time adjuncts whose classes are epically fun, and she is one of those teachers who every now and then would say something absolutely hilarious. She said so much fun stuff that I began to write these sayings down in my notebook and at the end of the year, I compiled them all in Word, printed it out, and posted these "Pumphreyisms" on her office door. I learned from her a couple weeks ago (hadn't talked to her since the end of the class in 2005) that she thought the list was fantastic and she's kept that copy ever since. I open up the file every now and then to get a laugh when I'm in need of one, and I thought I'd share a couple of her lines here; they're funny even without the context (she's British, btw, so be sure to imagine these with the appropriate accent):

( Pumphreyisms )

Somehow I managed to get an A- on my intellectual history paper that I thought was crap.

I hope I do as well on my Greek history paper, which is due in 10 hours and not close to being done.



I've had a lot of thoughts recently that I can hopefully transcribe over the break when I have time.

Well, I survived my first round of assignments with nothing less than a B- (except for Intellectual History--I'm pretty worried about that one, but I don't get that paper back until Tuesday).  But I've got a ridiculous amount of reading to do, more than any other semester for me.  Here's what I've got for just this week:

HI 403 Ancient Greek History: Philosophy primary sources textbook p 1-60--Pre-Socratic philosophers (not so bad, but then look below...)  And I've also got a 5-7 page paper due on Wednesday.

HI 422 European Intellectual History, 19th Century: "Democracy in America" by de Tocqueville p 3-387--I'm leading the class discussion on Tuesday

HI 482H Darwin in Science and Society: "Origin of Species" chap.7, 8, 13--by Monday

ENG 221 Western Lit I: The "Aeneid"

PHI 205 Intro to Philosophy: Textbook excerpts on Wittgenstein--we've got to have a good understanding of his way of thinking for Tuesday and the inevitable quiz...The professor (Mr. W. is his specialty) said this is the hardest part of the semester...I'm going to die.


AND I've got my one-year-anniversary with Meredith on Monday, which I'm super excited about and hope that I'm not too stressed with school.  Honestly, I'm going to spend all of Fall Break just sleeping.

Bwahahaha.  I just tested the Internet speed in D.H. Hill library on campus for fun:  49 mb/s download and 6 mb/s upload.  The connection at my apartment averages around 1.5 mb/s down and 0.2 mb/s up.  Laughable.  I'm paying for about 4x that speed....fucking Time Warner Cable can't manage their system correctly...

I'm kind of worried about my writing ability.  I haven't written any good historical or literary analysis in a while; I think my last really good paper was done in 2006 during my first bout with English 221: Western Lit I.  I've lucked out in that my HI 403: Greek History paper overlaps with the study of the "Iliad" that we completed in English.  My romanticism paper for HI 422: 19th Cen. European Intellectual History is going to be hardest, I think.  I have a lot of writing all of a sudden after about a month of no assignments or homework besides the odd quiz in philosophy (test on Thursday as well) and English (paper due on Friday, ack).  Thankfully I don't have to work until Thursday, although this weekend is inventory; I'd hoped to have another job by now, but D.H. Hill library hasn't contacted me, so I assume that no student positions there were open.  I'll try one of their other job applications since I only applied for one thing last time.

And if people are interested (or just to make myself feel better:

 

( My best paper )

I suppose it's easy to think from reading previous posts that I don't like my family.  While they do exasperate me from time to time (whose family doesn't?) and I don't agree with their religious convictions, I think that most of my family is awesome.  I enjoy going home now more than ever, and I especially appreciate my mom's cooking.  I'm obviously not as close as I used to be, with college and apartment being in a different place, but I still keep up.  I tell everyone who asks about me being homeschooled that my mother was (is) a genius at teaching not only me, but three kids in different levels of school simultaneously; I think I turned out mostly ok.

American Environmental History: B
Intro to American Government: B-
French III: B

I did way better in French than I thought it would.  I had told my professor that I'd been trying to pass French III since my freshman year, maybe he graded me easier or something.  I know he could have deducted more from mistakes I made on a couple of the tests.  But I'm taking the grade and running.

I didn't read one of the required books for the history class and still pulled a B out of it.  Apparently the professor has only ever given one A to a student for all the sections he's taught.  I guess I did good on the papers.  It was very interesting, but I wish I could have taken it over a full semester to better absorb what was taught.

The political science class was a joke.  I watched maybe 3-4 of the DVD lectures (out of 28, I think) and read only about 1/3 of the textbook.  While the textbook was very well-written, I just learned more from teh Internets.

Classes start on Wednesday.  I'm pumped.

I wonder what the shopping world would be like if employees could actually tell customers what they're thinking as they are helping.

Well, I had a pretty good birthday.  My sister made me a chocolate tart and my parents got me the George Foreman G5 grill that was the only thing I wanted.  Meredith bought me ice cream and hung out with me, which was awesome.

But at the end of the day, my parents don't understand me and are disappointed with my choices.  Which sucks.

Back to living in Raleigh now for summer school and my last year at NC State.

I am trying to decide if I am miserable.  My family tells me all the time that I am miserable, or rather, that I should be miserable because I do not have the love of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior in my life.  Indeed,  most/all Christians that I know or have heard of are mystified by the idea of living a life of happiness outside of the Christian religion.  My family thinks I am hiding from God, trying to get away from him, because of reasons I have not yet grasped.  They may think it's because of the myriad of rules of their religion, an idea that started my falling away from Christianity.  They decry the idea of rules being the foundation of Christianity, while simultaneously penalizing me for not following the Christian moral code, me not being a Christian.  And I tried to play by their rules, but when I perceive that the rules are being applied unequally, it doesn't give me any incentive.  My father has threatened to throw me out of the house, sans financial support, if I continued to spend the night at houses belonging to the fairer sex, but he continues to pay Andrea's $20k+/year college costs with not a peep, even though she's had boys spend the night multiple times in her bed.  I can't even have a girl in my room with my parents home.  "It goes against my moral views," says Dad.  Well, shit, dad, are you being purposefully blind, or is because Andrea is your Prize Child, having gone through her disrespectful phase and now has come back to the Light?  Now she can do whatever the fuck she wants because she professes Christianity (and she's a girl), but I continue to be the black sheep of the family, even though I try to/am honest about what I do and why I do it.  I guess that sort of thing would make me miserable if I dwelled on it; mostly it makes me angry.

My problems with Christianity go beyond the rules, but I don't know if my family would want to even talk about that.  Problems with the moral code in the Bible, where people are encouraged by God himself to perform actions that are contradictory to what he has said.  Problems with the absolutely fucking retarded way Christians look at science.  Problems with prayer and free will.  Problems with how the actions of God in the Bible clearly make him an evil being--by the very moral code of Christianity.  Problems with how Christians treat people who are different.  I hate, hate, hate how this fucking religion was set up to be the Bastion of all that is True and Good in my family and no one can question it, no one can discuss how it doesn't work.  If I do that, oh, I must be miserable.  My inner anger must be the result of my disobedience to God, it's not because everything I grew up with I find to be a fucking lie.  This is why I am sick and miserable: I have to live in this religious shit and then live with the patronization of all the Christian people I know.  "We're praying for him, we're lifting him up to the Lord."  Fuck that, do something useful with your time.  Turning to Christianity means the denial of my intellect and my senses.  I'm sick of having to deal with this, I can't wait to be on my own again.

Not quite as good as all A's, but it works.  Final grades:

Ultimate frisbee -- A (duh, but too bad Ousley doesn't do +/-)
Business -- B+ (I needed a 95 on the final to get an A and missed that by 7 points)
Economics -- B (that was a surprise)
Communications -- B (that paper saved my bacon)
Accounting -- C+ (about what I expected)

For a semester GPA of 3.0, which moves my total GPA up to 2.66--a movement of 0.2 or something silly like that.  My major GPA is 3.25 which makes me more happier.

So now I can video games until my brain dribbles out my ears--and until classes start again on the 19th.

All the stuff about the new movie "Expelled" has gotten me distressed.  And being distressed is not what I need during finals week.  One good thing that's come of it is that I'm getting ideas on what I can do with my life and what a useful passion of mine is.

I had two finals yesterday: communications (which sucked, 100 multiple choice vocabulary questions, yuck) and Ultimate frisbee (easy A+, I had the longest distance throw of anyone--70+ yards--on my very first throw).  Tonight I have business, not something I'm worrying about at all, and tomorrow afternoon is the make-up accounting final, since I couldn't take it tonight.  Next Tuesday is the economics final; since I had three tests in a 24-hour period, I got to move one.

I got my diploma of Associate in Arts from Durham Tech last week.  Hooray, half a real degree.  I would like to know what my GPA was so I can put that on my resume post haste.

Life seems to be all jumbled together, sometimes it's hard to separate my thoughts coherently.  I finished planning out the remainder of my classes, something I should have done a while back but couldn't have done until I knew that switching into business at State wasn't (isn't) going to work.  I've gotta take summer classes during both summer sessions at State: American Environmental History (400lvl) and American Government (200lvl poly-sci) during S1 and French III and something else during S2.  Both classes in the first session are distance ed, which means I'll be able to go the beach prior to Brandon and Amy's wedding and not miss a semester-ending amount of work.  And then French will kick my ass, but this time I'm kicking it back.  I figure if it's every day for 2 hours for a month, I'll have less of a chance of forgetting it and it will be better reinforced.

I have a test this week in microeconomics, which I know will kill me, but I'm going to be studying with one of the guys who's made 100+'s on the previous two exams, maybe that will help me not to repeat the last exam's result of a 39 (hey, it's a 59 after the curve).  Got another test in intro to business on Wednesday, I'm less worried about that one, but I still haven't studied much for it, I know I'll be in the library all day on Wednesday trying to ignore the call of Halo.  Had an accounting test last week that I didn't feel good about, and the lack of a grade so far is annoying, to say the least.

Looks like I'll be moving in with Nick in July prior to the beginning of the second summer session.  I emailed the property owners today, hopefully I'll have something back from them soon and they will approve of my plans.  It's always good to get the permission of the rental company before one moves in.

I got a new watchband today, ending the long vacation my watch has had sitting on my desk.  And I mailed off my taxes today, my refund (only from federal, somehow I owe the state this year) should get direct-deposited in the next couple of weeks.  That will be a welcome boost to my finances; I've built up a small $$ bubble by living at home, but it's going to evaporate quickly when I move back to Raleigh.  I still need to go over to the Linens N Things in Crossroads and introduce myself to the GM there, who will hopefully let me transfer to her store from Durham when my moving plans go through.  I figure Gwen should find a place for me there: one of the GSMs knows me pretty well from when I worked there three years ago, I know the store and the company very well, Richard loves me (a $0.40 raise this year, lol), and she won't have to waste the time and effort on a new hire for the summer.  Fingers are crossed.

I like Dr. Myers, I wish he had been my biology teacher:

"I do think science erodes faith, but not because I hammer students with doctrinaire atheism; I don't need to. Here's a little anecdote I've told a few people that illustrates my attitude.

I was once in an argument with a staunch creationist (a not uncommon experience) in which he berated me, among a multitude of godless liberal college professors, for atheist indoctrination in the classroom. He was upset because, not unreasonably, people with his beliefs fear to send their children to those reputable colleges because they'll come home changed and in doubt, and questioning the faith that they work so hard to instill. He thought the same thing, that our classes were places where we actively suppress religion.

I told him that I never criticize his religion in the classroom, nor do I push atheism. Instead, it's like this: what he does with his religion is the equivalent of telling his kids that the sky is green, and worse, assuring them that this is a fundamental tenet of their religion and that the whole structure comes crashing down if they question it. They get in my classroom, and I don't tell them their religion is wrong — I tell them to open their eyes and look up.

That's where science hurts religion. We have ideals of skepticism and empiricism that do conflict with most religions — I know, a bunch of you will tell me that your religion allows for those values, too, and I'll argue with you a different time — and that's where the antagonism arises. I don't claim the fundamental goal of science education is the suppression of religious belief — the fundamental goal of science education is to question everything. It's merely a side effect and their own damn fault that religion fares poorly when subjected to criticism."

I have a most excellent week coming up, with Meredith on spring break this week and then her birthday on Friday.  Good times shall be had by ME!

I got a 39 on my microeconomics test, far-and-away the worst grade I've ever gotten on an exam.  He did curve it 20 points (hooray, a 59) because everyone else did horrible on it, and he will be offering us some easy extra credit.  I think my good teacher streak has ended and now karma is biting me in the ass and giving me crappy professors.  I'm kicking myself for not checking those "rate the teacher" websites before registering last year.  Next semester will make up for it, though, with Kimler, Luria, and Kellner, and no professor, however bad, will be able to ruin the Greek mythology class.  I'm excited, to say the least.